presenting...The Scrappies!

as a self-proclaimed geek and cartoon junkie, i had the boomerang network on while making lunch a couple of days ago.

if you're ever wondering where a lot of the cool cartoons went....check out boomerang. it's awesome!

i noticed then that jabberjaw might be one of the most annoying characters ever created. you know jabberjaw...stupid, wisecracking shark that somehow played in a rock band and went around solving mysteries. it was one of a number of bad scooby-doo knockoffs that hanna-barbera foisted upon children of the '70s.

initally - mostly because of the combined feelings of hunger and irritation that were gripping me like a vise - i thought that jabberjaw was hands down the bane of the cartoon world. but after having a belly full of rice and vegetables, i was able to think a little more rationally. certainly jabberjaw wasn't the top of the heap (or bottom of the pile) when it came to animation that stirred animosity.

so i now present to you the first (and possibly last)...

Scrappy Doo Awards!

named for the yoko ono of saturday morning cartoons who occupies his own personal corner of cartoon hell. this troublesome little bundle of puppy power charged his way onto the show and eventually into a spinoff that saw him elbow fred, daphne and velma completely out of the picture.

he had a shrill voice, his own catchphrase and stupid fanfare. every fiber of scrappy's ink and paint being went against all that the laid-back scooby and the gang stood for. his exploits stand alone when it comes to cartoon malfeasance. and for that, he will forever be memorialized with the award that bears his name.

so without further ado...here are this year's winners.

jabberjaw - where to begin with the aforementioned mr. jaw? that he was a shark that could easily move around on land? that he was the drummer in a rock band that featured no other aquatic performers? that he stole rodney dangerfield's signature "no respect" catchphrase? if you could stand his shrill, poorly-done curly howard impression long enough to be offended by the other things...kudos to you!

rubik the amazing cube - you may remember that several episodes of this dreadful show featured menudo. the band, not the soup. most of us who grew up in the '80s had one of these instruments of frustration. eventually we gave up and peeled the stickers off to put them in the right spots. but these kids, whenever necessary - even in times of great peril - could solve the rubik puzzle in nanoseconds. and if that wasn't annoying enough, solving the cube produced a little blue gremlin head and legs that could float around and stop c-level bad guys. just one more reason the slinky rocked!

hammerman - if you were lucky enough to have missed this show, or just blocked it out of your memory, i'll let this guy explain. the theme song alone puts it on the list. look, i realize that secret identities are the basis for most superheroes. but at least put on a mask or something. am i supposed to be dazzled by your baggy pants? and while you're at it, maybe you should solve the mystery of your missing money. probably won't happen since it would involve kicking your own ass.

marmaduke - animating a bad comic strip isn't solving anything. you're just offending the illiterate. fortunately, someone has tried to deliver us from cartoon evil.

captain planet - even with everyone trying to go green, these united colors of benetton do-gooders made you want to dump several quarts of used motor oil into the nearest stream. then there was the cap'n himself. having arrived fresh from macgyver's barber, he dispatched the bad guys with smug one liners and a high and mighty sense of self-satisfaction.

we'd like to thank more of this year's winners (losers?) but i hear the music starting to play me off...which way is the exit backstage?

night owls in orange county

it's nearly one o'clock in the morning and i'm absolutely exhausted. outside of the apartment there are noises. people still milling around, doing who knows what. the immediate answer would be that they're up to no good. after all, nothing good happens after midnight, right? chances are, however, that it's the innocent movement of night owls in orange county. could have been the title of a warren zevon tune - night owls in orange county. there is a liberating element to stream of consciousness. sort of a spalding gray, monster in a box sort of experiment. as i continue to write more regularly, i've noticed that i dream more frequently. not that i can remember any of them. what do they say about remembering dreams? who knows? i don't remember. not that any of them are bad or particularly good. bits and pieces stay with me. i remember having a dream about falling, through the levels of a multi-story shopping mall and seeing myself lifeless on the ground for a brief moment before waking up. supposedly that means i've cheated death. the concept of a hardboiled, hipster detective returned. the story has a beginning, but no middle or end. there are visions of hitmen in long black cars driving slowly past grieving parents in a cemetary. summertime by sam cooke playing on the radio. i sit staring at a box of crackers. off to my left in the kitchen sits a half eaten jar of peanut butter. the two were meant to combine for a late night snack. but late night snacks and best laid plans often are bedfellows. i spoke to midori today. she and i don't talk as often as we used to. but she is doing well. much better than i ever would have imagined. certainly the mild winters of southern california are much easier on her than the colder, foggier winters of the central valley. all around me is darkness and quiet, save for the tapping of the keyboard and the dome light in the kitchen. my concentration is broken briefly to check email - the distraction of the new millennium. my father made it a point to check the mailbox every day. as did i. now, however, instead of opening an aluminum box on a post, it's the ever present click on the aluminum box to check for a post. admittedly a strained analogy. but the distraction means that my focus is waning. the land of nod awaits. has been calling. i've been resisting. but it is futile to resist much longer. tomorrow is a new day. rather later today is a new day. or maybe a resumption of the current one. who knows? don't fight the feeling. i'm going to bed.

we don't need no thought control

when it routinely takes 45 minutes to get home from work, it's amazing the types of things that cross your mind.

from the mundane...

what am i having for breakfast tomorrow?

to the sublime...

i think we should scrap money and go back to the barter system.

to the just plain stupid.

the only people who don't like kissing are people with no lips.

weekdays are the anti-snowflakes. on the surface, they pretend to be different. offering new superficial beginnings. presenting myriad challenges of varying degrees of difficulty. then finishing with either mild rewards or disappointments commensurate to how those challenges were met.

but after further review...it's really the same pattern played out in a cosmic loop. sure, we wear different clothes, make different plans, find different diversions. even still it all remains oddly the same. the rats may take a different path through the maze, but it's no less of a race than it was the day before.

inevitably i get tired of running. those are the days i just want to drive away. not tell anyone where i'm going. drive until i run out of gas. until i don't recognize the street signs and until my favorite radio station doesn't come in anymore.

usually about that time, something great happens. my mind shuts off. it's amazing what you think about when you have nothing to think about. and it's so much better than thinking about what you think you should think about.

so i've learned to embrace the commute (sometimes). take it for what it's worth. those few moments to myself when i don't have to be myself. hell, i'm not getting out of the maze anytime soon. might as well learn to enjoy it.

....

sitting and staring at a blank screen, you realize how easily and often you think about nothing.

so many times people have asked me what i'm thinking about.

so many times i've said, "nothing."

and most of the time i don't think people believed me. but it's these moments that i realize that i really was thinking nothing. or if there were thoughts, they were fleeting. nothing lasting, nothing heavy. just a blank canvas with the occasional dusting of cognition flitting across.

it's those times when i've found myself to be most peaceful. in my occasional attempts to make yoga a more routine part of my life, the attempts to clear my mind have left me with a much calmer, more peaceful attitude that i've been able to carry with me throughout the day.

so i invite you to inhale deeply and just think of nothing for a few moments. generally beats the alternative.

biting the hand that feeds me

i love sports.

what's not to love? it really is reality television - or at least the closest thing that passes for reality on television. watch it daily and you never know how it ends and there's a good chance you'll see something you've never seen before.

i'm sure you can say the same for rock of love - bus tour, but i mean in a good way.

what i don't love is sports media.

probably not the best thing to say if a 24-hour sports talk radio network is paying your bills. in which case, i should probably be a little more specific. it's not the media that's the problem, it's the 24-hour news cycle and the need to constantly fill it with noise.

in the meantime, we are slowly lurching toward the high holy day on the american sports media calendar.

super bowl sunday.

for the next 10 days we'll be subject to all sorts of stories about all sorts of people even slightly connected to this game. few of which will have an impact on the game itself. all sorts of former athletes and pseudo-celebrities will use the next week and a half to promote products of all kinds. and even the stories that are germane to the actual game will be discussed ad nauseum.

hines ward's knee is pretty much the same now as it was 10 minutes ago!

i know that there are plenty of people who live for this. who lap up every story, anecdote and injury report as though it were mother's milk. not me.

the problem is that we have all sorts of time to fill, but really nothing of substance to fill it with. sure, the coaches and players talk all the time, but the fans, media and leagues themselves have made everyone afraid to actually say something.

how many times can you listen to a player take it one game at a time? don't we already know that you have to limit turnovers and get stops on third down? we've already figured out that Team X is a good football team...they got to the super bowl, didn't they?

post game shows are no better. we could plainly see that you failed to make big plays in key situations. yes, we all marveled at your efficiency in the red zone. we pretty much figured that you were proud of your guys and excited to bring the trophy home to _____________.

but say what you really think and chances are you'll be making a donation to the commissioner's fund. if not, then prepare for ridicule and public scorn by the talking heads and bleacher creatures.

say what you want about terrell owens and chad johnson *ahem* ocho cinco, but we could use more like him. as a sports fan, you should pray for the continued well-being of charles barkley. there aren't athletes willing to watch the games and call 'em as they are.

so i'll continue to watch the games. i'll continue to love the games. but if you want me to be excited about hearing another sermon from the Book of LaLoosh, well...count me out.

the part of No we should all understand

as inauguration day comes to a close in the pacific time zone, i was struck by one question...

how is this not a national holiday?

i don't ask strictly because of the historic nature of today's inauguration, but because of the significance of all inaugurations. we continually preach to the world that our democratic system is what all nations should strive for. we remark constantly about our ability to hold political and social discussions in a civilized forum and demonstrate how to transition power from one regime to another without violence.

inauguration day is the culmination of that democratic process that we hold so dear. if people want to talk about making the day after the super bowl a holiday (sarcastic or not), how can we not discuss making this one tuesday every four years worthy of stopping the business of the nation?

i do hope that you'll pardon yesterday's post. the spirit of the events that were to come swept me up and i may have become a bit grandiose. i thank you for indulging me. however i ask for your patience once again.

as the day has gone along, i have heard from those who are cynical about what the next four years may bring. in the wave of anticipation and good feeling that have led to the inauguration, we should not forget that there are many who did not feel that barack obama was the right person for the job.

but even before taking the oath of office, mister obama was making efforts to include dissenting voices into his cabinet. likewise, those of us who believe in the president's vision should not immediately discount rival opinions. our country is entering a period unlike any seen in generations. one that does not come with an easy blueprint to follow. and though it will take a concerted, unified effort to repair what is broken, it will also take a critical eye to forsee potential problems with the method.

my hope is that those who are critical disapprove for the sake of trying to make a better way. we should look to avoid pettiness and disagreement for its own sake. otherwise, we will find ourselves sunk further into the quicksand of the last eight years.

in the same way, let those who are supportive not follow blindly, but have the insight and foresight to accept constructive criticism and use it to shape their ideas and actions.

it's been an historic day, an unforgettable day for many and a day that we should all hope renews the promise of our country, our world and ourselves.

random thoughts for a Monday

when the united states government deemed it appropriate to designate a holiday in honor of martin luther king, jr., i don't believe they expected it to be celebrated by a full day of nba basketball. then again, no one expected us to celebrate president's day with half-off mattress sales, either...

under an unbroken blanket of cloudy sky, the hollywood hills backdrop los angeles. the signs of suburbia zoom past at 80 miles an hour while digable planets pours from the speakers. without warning - a flash of sliver fender and black rubber, a leftward jerk of the steering wheel and horns honking. moments later, the offending sedan is darting through traffic totally unaware the near calamity it caused. makes you realize how your day, week, life can be drastically changed in an instant...

it may not be a popular idea, but the so-called Collapse of Capitalism could lead to the resurrection of america. our nation was built on innovation and ingenuity. generations of america's best and brightest thought the unthinkable and pursued the unreachable. those ideals built the automobile, pioneered air travel, cured polio and put man on the moon. our intellectual endeavors led to unimaginable successes.

but with success came the spoils. we became fat and happy. we found more joy in the ends than the means. college campuses - once the centers of open discussion and enlightened thought - turned into bastions of political correctness and job training. but they were merely reflections of the era. we had created a system that eschewed philosophers for financiers. craved investors over inventors.

so we churned out a generation of stock brokers and hedge fund managers. we treated them like royalty for coin indeed was the coin of the realm. they spoke in complex and grandiose terms while manipulating a system that most people could never understand. after awhile it felt like moving pieces of paper from one side of a table to another.

now the curtain has been pulled back and the innerworkings appear to be so complicated that even the so-called "experts" are unsure how to solve it. we've been told that the solution is to take the money of the victimized and hand it over to the victimizers. distrust and discontent are growing.

and it's here where there is reason to be hopeful. oscar wilde wrote that discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation. now that the golden calf has tarnished perhaps our pursuits will return to the means and not the ends. necessity will once again give birth to invention and innovation. and the spirit of adventure and discovery that created this country will once again shine...

as this mlk day comes to a close and we prepare to inaugurate a new president, i am truly excited. proud as a black man to see one of our own take residence in the white house, but more than that, i'm excited for the entire country. then-senator obama often spoke of there not being multiple americas - not a black america or white america; not blue states or red states; just the united states. perhaps it's rhetoric to some, but it's the foundation of why we can be hopeful.

there are those who would argue that there will be no change. that this government and this country will be status quo. but i believe that change has already begun. in the last year, we saw the full promise of the democratic process. many were introduced to it for the first time. many more were re-introduced after being disillusioned. millions have been inspired with a spirit of public service and volunteerism not seen since the days wnen a young, dynamic senator from massachusetts took the oval office, created the peace corps and challenged us to literally race for the stars.

so on inauguration day and every day forward, let not the shouts of "yes we can" fade into the ether. as barack obama takes the oath of office, we as americans should likewise take those words to heart and realize that as citizens of our country we have a duty to help it not only endure, but prosper. we have already demanded much from our president, but now it is time to demand more of the rest of our elected officials and perhaps more importantly, of ourselves. if we succeed in that, we will truly have change.

picture this...

the following story is based on a true...umm....story.

have you ever wondered how many people's vacation photos you're in?

not pictures that you took with your friends and tossed up on the InterWeb. those random photos involving people you've never met. walking around in the background at the county fair, stuffing fried roadkill into your face. staring bewildered at your upside down knott's berry farm map pointing off in three different directions. pulling your sister's hair at your cousin's graduation while your mom swats at you.

picture it...stockton, spring 1994.

after catching an unholy ass whoopin' at the california state academic decathlon, a young man shakes off his disappointment long enough to pose for a photo with his mother, sister and grandmother.

fast forward to los angeles, fall 1994.

the young man as a freshman in college, while discussing his high school experience, discovers his roommate - a person he'd never met until a few weeks prior - was also at the same academic competition...and has a picture to prove it. upon investigation, the young man recognizes a face in the background of one of the photos - his own. he goes home and digs through boxes of photos and finds his picture with his family. sure enough, his roommate appears behind him, posing with friends.

the point of that fractured flashback was not a roundabout way of telling everyone how small the world is. on the contrary, it's still a big world...though we've learned to shout quite a bit louder.

it's more that we're all interconnected. take for instance the fact that i once went to a bar and saw jason patric who was in the lost boys with kiefer sutherland who was in flatliners with kevin bacon.

*ahem*

as i was saying. we're all interconnected and sometimes we're fortunate enough to have our timelines loop around again. it's little quirks that make life so interesting.

or maybe i just have too much time on my hands.

eh, whatever....hey! tremors is on!

did you realize that you were a champion?

peer pressure's a bitch...

what is it about being rich and famous that means people expect you to be a champion of social and political causes?

tiger woods has accepted an invitation to speak at an inaugural event for President-elect Barack Obama. for this, some people have criticized the normally politically neutral woods as riding the coattails of a trailblazer instead of using his fame and influence to blaze the trail himself.

this isn't the first time. in the past, the likes of charles barkley and jim brown have complained that many high-profile black athletes have not used their prominence to promote a particular agenda.

having extra zeroes at the end of your bank account gives you a lot of things. a greater sense of social or political activism isn't necessarily one of them.

different people have different reasons for not thrusting themselves in the midst of national discussions. everything from not wanting to offend people to lack of knowledge to (gasp!) lack of interest.

add to it that as a fan, i don't care to hear these people give their thoughts on life. i marvel at tiger woods because he can hit a golf ball longer and straighter than i could ever dream to...not because of his hypotheses on how to resurrect the economy. his iq or social conscience does not increase with his bank account. and we're stupid for believing it should.

as this generation has matured, we've seen plenty of our cultural "leaders" grow more irrelevant as a function of the era and their own need for constant attention.

see: jackson, jesse

when do we realize that the true leaders among us attain that designation because of a sincere desire to affect change? not because of some forced obligation that comes with an entry into a higher tax bracket.

peer pressure really is a bitch. thankfully, tiger's immune to pressure.

Barack's Book Club

as someone who is unabashedly against All Things Oprah, i get somewhat annoyed at the praise that is heaped on her book club as though she has singlehandedly saved literature - especially when she chooses classic novels.

now it appears that President-Elect Barack Obama is having a similar effect on readers and publishers alike. admittedly it's a bit hypocritical, but it doesn't bother me as much.

perhaps it's my distaste for a woman i consider to be a self-absorbed phony (quick! how many people have appeared on the cover of o magazine?). maybe it's my love of All Things Obama (is there a Frankenword for that yet? perhaps...Obamadoration?).

or maybe it's that he's a person whose influence is not perception, but reality.

we'd all like to know what makes the most influential among us tick. possibly because somewhere deep inside we would like to emulate them. but it seems less genuine when those same people openly tell us what to do, where to go and how to act.

the grown up in me hears what you're saying...but the kid in me is sticking my fingers in my ears and going "LALALALALALALALALA!!!!!!!!"

remember how great sean "puffy" combs was when he diggin' in the crates and building beats that sounded fresh and new? and remember how quickly puff daddy wore us out by recycling hits of the late '80s and early '90s? there was genius in his mystery. the later stuff may have sold more, but after awhile, it just sounded lazy.

for the time being, President Obama will have bigger worries than what's on his amazon recommendations list. and while the american public looks for an administration with a bit more transparency, this is one instance in which i hope we all have to work a little harder to see what's behind the curtain.

Welcome to the Island

welcome to The Island of Misfit Toys!

this isn't a haven for anything. it's not a refuge for the lost or a rest stop for the wayward. it's not your first stop for this or the last word in that.

it's a little bit of everything...a potpourri, if you will. some things may grab you. some things may just piss you off. but hopefully everything is worth reading and (if you're so inclined) discussion worthy.

so thanks for stopping by. hope to see you soon.