night owls in orange county

it's nearly one o'clock in the morning and i'm absolutely exhausted. outside of the apartment there are noises. people still milling around, doing who knows what. the immediate answer would be that they're up to no good. after all, nothing good happens after midnight, right? chances are, however, that it's the innocent movement of night owls in orange county. could have been the title of a warren zevon tune - night owls in orange county. there is a liberating element to stream of consciousness. sort of a spalding gray, monster in a box sort of experiment. as i continue to write more regularly, i've noticed that i dream more frequently. not that i can remember any of them. what do they say about remembering dreams? who knows? i don't remember. not that any of them are bad or particularly good. bits and pieces stay with me. i remember having a dream about falling, through the levels of a multi-story shopping mall and seeing myself lifeless on the ground for a brief moment before waking up. supposedly that means i've cheated death. the concept of a hardboiled, hipster detective returned. the story has a beginning, but no middle or end. there are visions of hitmen in long black cars driving slowly past grieving parents in a cemetary. summertime by sam cooke playing on the radio. i sit staring at a box of crackers. off to my left in the kitchen sits a half eaten jar of peanut butter. the two were meant to combine for a late night snack. but late night snacks and best laid plans often are bedfellows. i spoke to midori today. she and i don't talk as often as we used to. but she is doing well. much better than i ever would have imagined. certainly the mild winters of southern california are much easier on her than the colder, foggier winters of the central valley. all around me is darkness and quiet, save for the tapping of the keyboard and the dome light in the kitchen. my concentration is broken briefly to check email - the distraction of the new millennium. my father made it a point to check the mailbox every day. as did i. now, however, instead of opening an aluminum box on a post, it's the ever present click on the aluminum box to check for a post. admittedly a strained analogy. but the distraction means that my focus is waning. the land of nod awaits. has been calling. i've been resisting. but it is futile to resist much longer. tomorrow is a new day. rather later today is a new day. or maybe a resumption of the current one. who knows? don't fight the feeling. i'm going to bed.

random thoughts for a Monday

when the united states government deemed it appropriate to designate a holiday in honor of martin luther king, jr., i don't believe they expected it to be celebrated by a full day of nba basketball. then again, no one expected us to celebrate president's day with half-off mattress sales, either...

under an unbroken blanket of cloudy sky, the hollywood hills backdrop los angeles. the signs of suburbia zoom past at 80 miles an hour while digable planets pours from the speakers. without warning - a flash of sliver fender and black rubber, a leftward jerk of the steering wheel and horns honking. moments later, the offending sedan is darting through traffic totally unaware the near calamity it caused. makes you realize how your day, week, life can be drastically changed in an instant...

it may not be a popular idea, but the so-called Collapse of Capitalism could lead to the resurrection of america. our nation was built on innovation and ingenuity. generations of america's best and brightest thought the unthinkable and pursued the unreachable. those ideals built the automobile, pioneered air travel, cured polio and put man on the moon. our intellectual endeavors led to unimaginable successes.

but with success came the spoils. we became fat and happy. we found more joy in the ends than the means. college campuses - once the centers of open discussion and enlightened thought - turned into bastions of political correctness and job training. but they were merely reflections of the era. we had created a system that eschewed philosophers for financiers. craved investors over inventors.

so we churned out a generation of stock brokers and hedge fund managers. we treated them like royalty for coin indeed was the coin of the realm. they spoke in complex and grandiose terms while manipulating a system that most people could never understand. after awhile it felt like moving pieces of paper from one side of a table to another.

now the curtain has been pulled back and the innerworkings appear to be so complicated that even the so-called "experts" are unsure how to solve it. we've been told that the solution is to take the money of the victimized and hand it over to the victimizers. distrust and discontent are growing.

and it's here where there is reason to be hopeful. oscar wilde wrote that discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation. now that the golden calf has tarnished perhaps our pursuits will return to the means and not the ends. necessity will once again give birth to invention and innovation. and the spirit of adventure and discovery that created this country will once again shine...

as this mlk day comes to a close and we prepare to inaugurate a new president, i am truly excited. proud as a black man to see one of our own take residence in the white house, but more than that, i'm excited for the entire country. then-senator obama often spoke of there not being multiple americas - not a black america or white america; not blue states or red states; just the united states. perhaps it's rhetoric to some, but it's the foundation of why we can be hopeful.

there are those who would argue that there will be no change. that this government and this country will be status quo. but i believe that change has already begun. in the last year, we saw the full promise of the democratic process. many were introduced to it for the first time. many more were re-introduced after being disillusioned. millions have been inspired with a spirit of public service and volunteerism not seen since the days wnen a young, dynamic senator from massachusetts took the oval office, created the peace corps and challenged us to literally race for the stars.

so on inauguration day and every day forward, let not the shouts of "yes we can" fade into the ether. as barack obama takes the oath of office, we as americans should likewise take those words to heart and realize that as citizens of our country we have a duty to help it not only endure, but prosper. we have already demanded much from our president, but now it is time to demand more of the rest of our elected officials and perhaps more importantly, of ourselves. if we succeed in that, we will truly have change.