when the angels play the padres, who does god cheer for?

we've seen and heard it plenty of times. an athlete succeeds at something - sets a record, wins a big game, takes home a trophy - then thanks god.

it's a practice that rankles people for various reasons. some people find it disingenuous. others believe in the separation of church and State College. still others just wonder if god really picks a side and if he helped your team, was he going against my team?

it never bothered me one way or another. until recently.

maybe i'm getting a complex, but i'm starting to think god hates the san francisco 49ers. these feelings of inadequacy have become heightened in the wake of noted god-squadder kurt warner stopping in san francisco to talk with niner management about a possible contract. days later, he re-signed with the arizona cardinals saying god told him "you're supposed to be in arizona."

i immediately flashed back to 1993 when reggie white was shopping his wares around the nfl. it seemed a virtual lock that he was going to end up in the bay area. right up until the moment he didn't. instead he signed with the green bay packers because god told him in a dream that he should go to green bay.

does god love some players or cities more than others? can san franciscans consider themselves saved since god didn't send his disciples to their town? should cardinal and packer fans pray harder?

look, i don't ridicule anyone's beliefs. i myself have prayed over difficult decisions asking for guidance. perhaps you were given clarity. shown something negative about one of your options. felt a higher level of comfort in one place. but i'm not believing that contract negotiations are being decided from above.

i like kurt warner. i think he's a good football player and an even better human being. and (except when he's playing the 49ers) i generally wish him well on the football field. but his decision to remain in the desert may have been inspired, but it wasn't divine.

an open letter...

to: shaquille o'neal
david stern, nba commissioner
john fahey, world anti-doping agency, commissioner
assorted physicians
parents of impressionable young athletes

to all concerned parties,

recently, the issue of steroids has gripped american sports like at no other time. with stories of performance enhancing drugs running rampant through major league baseball clubhouses. myriad positive drug tests revealed in cycling. rumor and innuendo about muscled-up supermen running about the nfl. the constant raised eyebrow at the feats of some olympic athletes. all of these things have conspired to taint the highest levels of athletics in this country as well as globally.

mr. stern, i am aware that while your league has historically dealt with several drug problems (the cocaine scandal of the '80s, the continuing issue of marijuana use), you remain unstained by the specter of steroids

but i am here today to ask that we look the other way and give one particular athlete a pass.

shaquille o'neal.

before you bombard me with requests for proof and claims of libel, i'm not suggesting that The Diesel is doing anything untoward.

i'm asking that we make it okay for him to take them from this point forward.

this is a man who has created an endless array of nicknames for himself. he's danced with the jabbawockeez. he's put out some of the league's greatest bulletin board material. yet through it all, he remains one of the league's good guys. oh and by the way, he's also one of the most dominant players the game has ever seen.

which is why we need to do what we can to help keep him in the game. after magic johnson and larry bird retired, we were fortunate enough to have michael jordan take the game to a level of popularity that few people ever imagined. after his (final) retirement, the search for a successor began. who would be the man to help sustain the game?

kobe bryant, lebron james and dwyane wade certainly have the talent to carry that mantle. nate robinson and gilbert arenas have shown us they have the charisma. tim duncan has that humble everyman quality that people can relate to.

but no one combines all those qualities like The Big Shaqtus. his game and success speak for itself. he is literally larger than life, yet somehow manages to be a kid. a combination like that will be hard to replace. while dwight howard looks to be the next in line for the crown, he'll need to be a bit more successful on the court to claim the throne. even then, he may be too much of a nice guy. shaq has that right mixture of nice and nasty that makes him loveable, hateable and eminently watchable all the time.

so whaddya say? let's help The Big Fella out. think of it as an investment in america's entertainment future. this is one of those rare times when we recognize a good thing before it's gone. let's try to hold onto it a little bit longer.