what the hell is wrong with me? what's missing? i have a job. i have an apartment. i have friends. but i feel like there's something wrong. i don't know what it is. it's empty. not from hunger. but it doesn't feel like a lack of fulfillment. it is it anxiety? is it fear? i don't know. and it bothers me. i want to fix the problem. i want to know that i'm okay. and i don't. 

playing hardball

last week i was asked to run for public office.

this isn't the setup to a joke.

a friend called me to say that a municipal public official was not running for re-election and to his knowledge there was no one running for that seat and that i'd be the perfect candidate.

said aloud, the idea sounds perfectly ridiculous. the last campaign of any sort that i was involved in was my victory for vice-president...of the eighth grade. and while i voted in every election, i never followed the day-to-day workings of government until He Who Must Not Be Named was heading out of office in washington.

so why me? i'm the square peg. the fifth wheel. i'm a cartoon geek. a sports guy. i've spent my adult life more worried about busting the phillies than filibustering.

but when i think about it, it makes sense. in a year where Change was more ubiquitous than ryan seacrest, why not go after someone who has a working knowledge of the area, but is still enough of an outsider to not be jaded by the local view.

(admittedly, i do feel a bit like i'm being obama'd...the statement "he's black, he's young and he's smart" has reportedly been uttered more than once. i'm flattered that people feel that way about me, but it also feels like an artificial construct and i'm not comfortable being mini-me.)

the reasons to run are numerous, though few of them seem to be good. perks like a bigger paycheck (always attractive...even more when you're surrounded by debt) and increased attention (though the latter might be more of a liability than an asset). the experience and adventure of running for and holding public office. more importantly, there's also the satisfaction of knowing i could help a community. though it seems harder to find that love without a prior connection to the community. or will that love come by acclamation?

then there are the other questions...can i really enact change through policy? or is it better spurred through the grass roots? where is the line between acknowledging supporters and being beholden to interests? can i walk that line? what about my current career aspirations? would they be on hold? would holding public office help enhance those opportunities

all of these things are continually running through my mind. soon i will need to make my final decision. i have come to the fork in the road. let's hope i go the right way.

back to the beach

after an extended hiatus, i'm back.

at first, i chalked up the break to the rigors and stresses of moving. packing, unpacking, settling in...all that good stuff.

turns out, i was just lazy.

so here's to fighting lethargy. a nice bowl of oatmeal, a hot cup of mate and tom & jerry on the tube.

it's good to be home.